Why letting go is so hard…and so wonderful

I am in the process of making final edits on the Landmarks book to be released in March. It’s been amazing to see what I have written in book form for the first time and to edit it for the last time. You would think that I would have learned the lessons in the book by now after working on it for over three years. Well…think again.

Yesterday I really, really struggled with where I am in life right now. There are so many unknowns, so many puzzle pieces missing, so many obstacles. The adventure that started with such flourish when I left full-time high school teaching has descended into some of the dark points in the plot. I wrestled with worry and anxiety over money, I fought off demonic assault while teaching my class at church. But more than anything else, I struggled with the gnawing sense that I wasn’t going anywhere, that I was stuck in oblivion, that others seemed to have large audiences or powerful ministries or deep impact, but I was just a small voice being drowned out.

I am embarrassed to admit how strong my longing is for impact, how deeply I crave after fame, and how jealous I am at times of those who seemed to have “gotten it.” And of course, desire like this turned away from the living God poisons and corrupts us. And so on the drive home from church, I found my heart poisoned and corrupted, stuck in a very bad place.

In those moments, I have learned to cry out for coaching, for the Father to lead me out of the dark places. That’s what happened yesterday. I just expressed my longing for his counsel. And this is what came to me in the truck…

Let me write the story.

Immediately the fog cleared, the darkness lifted, the path ahead appeared. I had been trying to script my own story again, which included fame, fortune, and a dash of the truth thrown in. It’s what I wrote about in the first chapter of the book! But apparently I needed to relearn the lesson:

Let go. Submit. Let God write the story of my life.

And once we do let go, we see it is the path that actually meets our deepest longings. But only after we let go. Only after we jump.┬áThat’s why it’s so hard.

And so wonderful.

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About Coach D

I have been a teacher and a coach for many years. My real name is Bill Delvaux, but my students call me Coach D, hence the user name. This blog is about the journey into the unknown I am walking and the landmarks I am navigating along the way. The destination: becoming who I really am as a man. I invite you to join me by reading along every Monday and Thursday.
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6 Responses to Why letting go is so hard…and so wonderful

  1. Vince says:

    Thanks Bill. Your honesty is brutally real.

    Btw, congratulations-you have ads! The surfing ad is perfect! Life w/o limits.

  2. Coach D says:

    Thanks, Vince…but the ads…wow, not seeing them. Does this mean I need to go and learn to surf??

  3. Very good post. Thanks for the honesty.

    Mark L.

    • Coach D says:

      Thanks for reading the blog. I find that when I am really honest, it is amazing the number of people that identify in some way. I also enjoyed look at your blog! By the way, what is the story behind the title of your blog?

      • Hello Coach D!

        I’ll tell ya the short version of the blog name—I wanted a name that reflected child-like innocence and hope; a different way of saying “collecting memories”. If we collect memories like pennies, eventually we will have many and enough to share.

        Thanks, you’re the first person to ever ask!

        Mark L.

  4. Coach D says:

    That’s a really original name for a blog. I like it more after the explanation!

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